Yesterday, I quit my job.
I called my boss/host mom and told her I can’t do anymore. I’ve been trying to manage too much and it wasn’t working. I was calling in sick once a week and it wasn’t fair to them either.
I have decided that if I want to get better faster, my best shot at that is to go home for a while. My hope is that I’m well enough to stay in Sweden through December, celebrate Christmas with Erik and his family, and then I’ll head home in early January.
As I sit here writing this, I am still trying to think of ways I could have made it work, because I liked the job and the family that I worked for. Also the fact that I’ve had a job since I was 16 and for once I am completely jobless is just bizarre to me. I keep trying to square my current reality with my old way of living and it just doesn’t mesh. The old Kirsten was moving 100 miles an hour at all times, trying to fit in as many things as possible into her schedule, trying earnestly to never break a commitment. And here I am now, having to leave behind a 25 hour/week au pair job.
But that has to be okay for now. There are physical realities preventing me from doing everything that I want to do, and I can’t hold myself to the same standards as before. I think the worst thing about this illness is that sometimes you feel perfectly fine, and because it’s not visible to you or others that you’re sick, you forget you’re sick. But then you have a bad day and it becomes apparently clear. And it’s the bad days that make it impossible to carry on as before.
The faster I take care of myself, the faster I can get well, and get back to living my normal life.
I guess it’s good news to my friends in the US and bad news to my friends in Europe. I will be stateside in January 2017.
On the bright side, I got to teach the art of American pancakes to this little minion today!
Yesterday was a rough day but today was better, and I have faith that there are even better days ahead. Xo